This post is a reminder to me when I forget: My job is to work myself out of a job.
'For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' Jer. 29:11
A Friend recently recited this scripture and it immediately spoke to me in a specific way. I felt God was saying, *I* have plans, not you. I can relax, because I'm not the one that needs to own the plans of my children. What a relief!
So, now I strive to sit back and enjoy my emerging adult children. Smile more. Have fun.
It's kind of like helping butterflies open their wings.
You shouldn't do it.
They need to do it in their own time. You should just watch from the sidelines. [Provide a safe environment, of course.]
Knowing when to push or help and knowing when to step back: It's like playing Chicken! You can't really tell if you are right until the very last minute and it might be too late then! So, what do we do?
Well, I've recently been concentrating on this corollary truth:
The only person you can control is yourself.
I am working on controlling myself, rather than focusing on other's behaviors. Obviously, I still have to be the mom, but in the moment, the person I need to be controlling is ME. As long as I'm doing that, then it's okay to stay and be the mom. If I'm not controlling myself, then I'm not being 'the mom' anyway, so time to take a break. 'Rinse and repeat' as the saying goes.
Two resources that have been helpful:
Both are saying basically the same thing, just in a different way. These are not primarily 'parents' advice' than they are lifestyle changes. Which is really the only true change, is it not? I appreciate the CC audio Cds because I can listen to them over and over- and some of us need more repetition. It has been very helpful.